Well I'll be dammed.

The day I found out I was

FO SHIZ up the spout...

Disclaimer: I only talk about pee and ovaries a couple of times in this blog post, so don't worry about it being too graphic. If you're sensitive however, I'd recommend skipping the 1st, 4th, and 5th paragraphs.

Back in April, I started to become a little concerned about the fact that I hadn't had a visit from the ol' curse in quite a while. Since this is often an indication that one might be with child, I became concerned that it might be possible, but certainly NOT probable, that I was knocked up. It definitely didn't seem probable enough to warrant taking a pee test. It didn't even seem probable enough that I should tell Franny-my boyfriend/baby daddy/fiance/better half, etc. etc. I mean, we weren't trying so it just didn't seem like it could be real.

Reality did finally creep up on me though. I sat at work one day, googling "pregnancy symptoms" and the such, and realized, I very well might be up the duff. My boobs hurt like a mother effer. I was tired pretty much to the point of hallucinating despite sleeping 12 hours a night. And I was nauseated for no apparent reason. I left work and headed to Dan's on Foothill for a prego test and some pasta salad. I really like the Dan's deli pasta salad. I was sure I'd enjoy it after discovering I was free of zygote.

I finally pulled up to the house I'd shared with 3 of my best friends for the past 2 years. It was weird. I walked in knowing that my life could change drastically...that I only had the time it takes to walk down the hall to the bathroom before I might potentially never be the same again. I started having flashbacks of all of the parties and crazy times we all shared in that house. I remembered the fun and the FREEDOM. I wondered if in the next 5 minutes or so, I'd be saying vamonos forever to my youth.

Just one example of a "crazy time" at my house. I love these kids.

I assured myself that I'd pee on the stick. I'd get my peace of mind- my "not pregnant" result. I'd make a doctor's appointment to fix my chaotic lady troubles. I'd eat my pasta salad. And then I'd go back to work. Everything would be fine.

I'd been holding my pee for a couple of hours by this time so after dousing the "absorbent tip" and replacing the protective cap, I sat there for while with some time to think.
"I have a wonderful boyfriend-my best friend, who I adore. I have a great family, and SUPER supportive friends. I have a good job, and insurance, and I'm a grown-up. It's not like I'm Jamie Lynn or some 16-year-old hussie on welfare who's going to get a lower back tatoo and leave this kid on a bus one day and ultimately be on court TV with my landlord and start doing meth and...."

That was all the thinking I had time to do. I saw the result appear in the corner of my eye. I picked up the test, but I was shaking so badly from nerves that I dropped it on the linoleum floor. It landed upside-down of course, giving me more time to be dramatic about the big reveal. I slowly picked it up, and looked at the digital result. "Pregnant."

"Well I'll be damned." I actually heard those words escape my lips without realizing I'd said them. I wrapped up the test in a million layers of toilet paper and coyly tossed it my bedroom garbage. Then I went back to work. Needless to say, I had lost my appetite and didn't eat the pasta salad after all. I worked the rest of the day like nothing had happened. I signed up for a painting class. I shot the shit with co-workers. Then, on my way home from work, I stopped at Rite Aid for some prenatal vitamins. That's when reality set in....