Things that make you go bllaahhhhrrr...

WHEN YOU'RE PREGNANT, THE WEIRDEST THINGS CAN SET OFF YOUR STOMACH AND MAKE YOU LOSE YOUR GUTS ALL OVER THE PLACE. IN CASE YOU'RE INTERESTED, I'VE COMPILED A LIST OF TROUBLESOME SMELLS, FLAVORS, TEXTURES, SITUATIONS, IDEAS, AND NOTIONS THAT MAKE ME HORK-

I am queasy 90% of everyday so pretty much anything can make me gag. Here are a few items that I find especially revolting:


People with greasy hair

Fruity yogurt- This is a texture issue. The fruit chunks feel like blood clots and soggy scabs.

Any overbearing perfume or detergent smell (This is a given. All pregnant chicks hate that shiz.)

Candy- This is so fucked, you guys. I once loved candy so much that it warmed my soul to think about it. Now, when I even look at a Skittle, I heave.

Meat- Any meat. I hate eating meat, thinking about meat, looking at meat, smelling meat, and incidentally, writing about meat.

The smell of dog, static, hot car, and fart (Franny!!!).

Puke (dur!)

Puke Eye- (When I puke in a toilet, and the velocity of the projectile puke is such that the displaced water from the toilet actually launches up into my eye.) As you can imagine, this is disgusting no matter what crapper I’m using, but it’s 100% worse when I’m puking at work in the overused public toilets. (There are a lot of folks on my floor who have IBS.) I’ve learned to stand as far away from the toilet as possible so that I don’t get as much turd residue near my retinas, and so that I don't just continuously puke forever from the sheer grossness.

Aftertaste (of anything)-it is intolerable.

Tooth-brushing- (I still do it. Sheesh! I’m just in the process of getting more used to it, alright!)



Incidentally these few items are tummy soothers. You might find this list useful if you are also knocked-up and nauseous:

Strawberries

Potatoes (in any form, particularly mashed, and fried)

The smell of peppermint

Golden Girls (There is just something really comforting about four classy old broads from Miami. I don’t care who you are.)

Ramen Noodles

Crackers

Back rubs (unless you are in a really hot room and the person rubbing you smells like meat.)