Yogurty smooth.....

I watched an Oxygen marathon of Snapped yesterday. You know, that show where women murder their husbands out of rage and jealousy? It's so good! Every so often an episode will highlight a woman who was wronged by her husband and kills out of retaliation or self-defense, but most of the time she's a frumpy, bitter, hag with nothing better to do. So fascinating. I'm pretty sure Nino is comforted by the sound of the narrator's voice, as am I.
Whilst watching said marathon, I saw about 10000 commercials. 97% of which were advertising products either infused, coated, or dipped in yogurt. Have you noticed? Everything on Earth now has yogurt in it. Every single cereal has a version coated in yogurt. There is yogurt soap, yogurt shampoo, yogurt deusch, yogurt yogurt, etc. Jergen's has a lotion that boasts "yogurty smooth skin". Uuuuhhhh...what in the hell does that even mean? "Yogurty smooth"?? They're putting it in their product catch phrases now? Like we're all going to start using "yogurty" to describe things which should be smooth?

Potential convo one might hear due to this trend:
Dumb dude #1-"Hey did you hear that AJ (perfect name for tan, spiky-haired bar chump, eh?) scored two Asian girls Saturday?"
Dumb dude #2- "what? He's so smooth."
Dumb dude #1- "yah. Yogurty."

We're being duped all the time into buying things, but this is crazy. What kind of marketing research resulted in this yougurt BS? I imagine the proverbial board convening to discuss new strategies. Everyone has their charts, graphs, and laser pointers at the ready. Amidst the hub bub dee boo of the suits you hear "people just really like yogurt. We have to give the people yogurt!!"

Is it because it gives the illusion of health? Umm I saw a box of Yogurt Dots at 7-11. (Yep yogurt has gotten its greedy hands on candy too.) Dots? Dots are fruit flavored tumors. You couldn't make them healthy if you added soy and wheat germ to their delicious cancery centers.

As you may know I've developed a disdain for yogurt in the past months due to the fact that the fruity chunks tend to feel scabby, like bits of gut to my pregnant-person-palette. I avoid it all costs now, but I honestly believe that this rant is due entirely to my distaste of this yogurty smooth nonsense, not yogurt itself.