Do YOU know the date of your last menstrual period? Well...do you???
If someone asks me that question one more time I’m going to start flinging poo. Seriously, it’s like this standard-of-care question that every single medical person you encounter must ask 67 times each. Then, their grandmother has to ask you and then just for good measure their first cousin’s roommate must follow-up by email to determine the exact fucking date of your last menstrual goddamn period! We know the due date based on all kinds of measurements and tests and ultrasounds---January 7. Let’s move on with our lives now. The first 80 hundred times I was asked for the period date I explained that it was likely the first Thursday of April. I knew it wasn’t yet the weekend but that it was almost the weekend…I think. Sheesh. Then I made up a date and stuck with it, but now whenever I go to the doctor and the lab person, the FedEx guy, and your mom asks “So when was the date of your last menstrual period?” I say “Hmmm, I can’t really tell you that until you tell me the date of the last time you pulled your head out of your ass and checked my fucking chart. Kay thanks.”