There is the peanut. Can you see?

The Ultrasound
So the ultrasound couldn’t come fast enough. I was excited to get a better look at the Teeny Tine, but I also wanted to find out what the hell kind of twat suckling parasite was growing in there with him. Fran and I checked in at about 10:00ish on a Thursday morning at St. Marks hospital. They make you drink 32 ounces of water 1 hour before the sonogram, which I did, but I had to pee so badly by 10:00 AM that it was almost debilitating. To make matters worse, we had to bounce around between 2 different rooms until we found a working machine. I could barely walk. I mostly shuffled.

The sonographer, Carolyn, was great. She sticks out in my mind as being one of the lovliest medical people I’ve ever met. She was kind and informative and funny. I should have told her it was much appreciated at the time. She smeared the same old goo on my belly but this time, it almost made me pee all over the place because it was so warm. I saw an image pop up on the large screen above my head. Carolyn moved the transducer around on my belly for a second and then said “wow, you have a nice full bladder. Why don’t you go empty partially?” Apparently my bladder was too full. Trusty ol bladder.

After “emptying partially” I went back out to the table feeling more confident that I wouldn’t dowse the staff in urine at the slightest hint of warmth. This time, Carolyn just took a second and then said “there is your peanut. Can you see?” I was glad she called him peanut. Everyone before her had called it "the pregnancy."


It was too late; I’d already spotted the little lump myself. My little Nino lump-cloudy but distinctly human. I started to cry just a little but I don’t think anyone noticed. I was facing the screen and Franny was watching it from behind me. I thought that would be the best of it, when Carolyn said “We’ll see the heartbeat in just a minute.”

Heartbeat??? I didn’t even realize we’d be able to do that yet. I was 9 weeks along at that point, but I hadn’t even thought of a heartbeat. Heartbeat. Wow.

“First we need to look at this cyst. Wow, that thing is huge.”

Really? Tell me something I don’t know.

“It’s a normal one though. Pregnant women always get these. Yours is just very large and it should have resolved by now. Don’t worry; it won’t hurt the peanut or you. It will just cause pain on your left side.”

Left? Yah no shit left. Dr. Rothtard thought it was on my right even after I told him I had more pain on my left. What a renob.

“Okay, are you ready to see the heartbeat?”

She moved the transducer around and I kept getting quick glances of the little blob. I couldn’t get a good look and I just wanted Carolyn to stop moving the damn wand around so I could stare at the Nino lump all day. She made some adjustments, and then finally stopped. There it was- the heartbeat.

“Do you see that movement there in the middle of the body? That is your baby’s heart.”

Really? Tell me something I don’t know.

I knew right away that what I was seeing was Nino’s heart. There was nothing else in the entire universe I was as sure of. I was speechless. I turned around to look at Franny. He was smiling and watching the screen. I could tell he felt the same way I did. Except with a little dissapointment that it wasn't twins (ass). He looked at me and winked. He understood that I would not be looking at him again until this sonogram was over as I needed to spend every possible second watching our baby’s heart beating inside of me. I was weepy from relief and elation, and I couldn’t stop smiling. I turned to look at the screen again. The heartbeats at 150 beats a minute and it looks like a little bumble bee flapping its wings. I couldn’t get enough of it, but soon it was over.

Carolyn wiped off the goo and I bolted to the bathroom. When I came out, Franny and I thanked her and left the room. We put our arms around each other and started walking out of the hospital. We passed an exhausted looking lady and a nurse in the hallway. The nurse stopped at the front desk and said "we need an ultrasound ordered. This lady just had her baby."
I turned around to have another look at the lady, and I gotta say, she looked like shit.

The picture on the left is an extreme close up of what Nino looked like at 9 weeks. The raisin on the right represents his actual size.